To: Dr. Richard Brisebois

From: Priscilla Kaimathiri

Date: February 13, 2008

Subject: The changes I made to my previous Elevator Speech

The previous version of my elevator speech was lacking introductory remarks. I lacked some words to make it have a professional tone. It also did not stipulate the duration of time that I have been working in the field of business. So, I made some correction and everything became ok.

Additionally, my previous elevator speech was too long that could take like twenty minutes to explain. This would probably make the listener loose interest with what I was trying to inform him/her.

Therefore, I thought of making it brief so that it could accommodate the words that I was to use while seeking the audience with the person who was in charge of the field I was seeking for employment.

Again, my previous elevator speech was having unnecessary information which is obvious. So, I changed and wrote in a standardized manner.

Also, it was not professionally written. So, I wrote my final copy in a brief and precise way that made it sound more professional.

Finally, since I made the above changes, my final elevator speech became professionally sound.


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